Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

It's been so long since I really liked going to church. I've been checking out this gay friendly church, The Tab, and so far its been so refreshing for me. Set aside the issue of being gay - this church is full of life. The people are so friendly; the teaching is evangelical; the worship is genuine - and i like myself more when I'm around them. I don't say that out of conceit or vanity - it's just that for so long, the guilt and shame of my struggle always left me with a disgust for myself. I never really loved myself and so I always found it difficult to fully connect with others at a typical church. But here it's different.

The message this morning was about the second most important purpose of our lives which is to love our neighbors as ourselves (the first and primary purpose of our lives being to love God with all our heart, soul, and strength). I've heard the core message in this plenty times but the way the pastor articulated her understanding of it was awesome. I know that God loves me which frees me to love Him back. But I also know that I am a conduit to display and facilitate God's love for others through me. I often block this flow of love from God to others when I get stuck in my own self-loathe. I can't possibly love others fully when i'm not loving myself properly and in a healthy way. When i'm in that mode, the love that i exude towards others is less than the kind that God intended to transmit to them.

Exploring this journey of trying to figure out if being gay is a sin or not and trying to figure out how my same sex attractions effects how my faith is lived out can lead to being overly self-focussed. The introspection and research is necessary but through it all, am i humbling myself before God and really loving people around me? I find myself going through the motions of life and work and even church sometimes. In what ways can I really show God's love towards people I see every day and perhaps take for granted? The question of whether or not its okay for me to love another man can actually cloud the broader but more important issue - how will I love all?

If I will contend that being gay and Christian isn't primarily about sexuality, then i ought to show love outside the context or consideration of gayness or straightness. All are deserving of God's love - including me! If i can't love a guy in a non-"gay" way, then maybe i don't deserve to love the same guy in a romantic way. Let's see if I can actually live this out!