I'm No Superman

[Note: Scroll down to see Five For Fighting's "Superman" video on YouTube plus lyrics below.]

I know that this exploration that i'm going through has pretty serious ramifications if it turns out that I embrace a belief about homosexuality that isn't mainstream. God's been using me in significant ways, I'll admit, and I know that its such a divisive issue. My fear is that any of this exploration will negatively effect the ministry.

It's a lot of pressure. Really. I'm not trying to be, nor am I asking to be anyone's spiritual leader. And i know that i don't necessarily have to be anyone's spiritual leader in the capacity that i'm in now. But after my lunch with a friend yesterday, that pressure was just magnified. I kinda felt pissed because of the way he spoke - he can sometimes be ultra intense and highly over-spiritual and I felt like he was imposing an incredible standard on me that i can never uphold. I'm all for God using me in any way that He wants...but I don't want to be a Moses. I don't want to be a Joseph. I don't even want to be a David. I can't be a super-Christian nor do I want to be. I can't change the way I am or feel. Sure i care about what God's doing in the community, but I'm way more concerned about what God's doing in me - right now at least. If He's going to use me, He'll use me - as I am....not when I'm perfect and not when I'm straight.


I heard a song that articulates how I'm feeling about all this....



"Superman" - by Five For Fighting

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...
Its not easy to be me