God Loves Freaks Like Me

Sometimes I just feel so..... un-normal. It's a familiar feeling actually. I look around at the people around me and I just realize that I'm not like them. Maybe it's baggage - in fact, i know it's just my baggage because it's not like the people around me do anything to make me feel like this. It's just something inside me that senses a kind of distance. It's like feeling like I'm an alien. I don't belong here. I don't belong in this body. I don't belong.

Now, of course that's silly because I've been and felt more connected now with people than I have for most of my life. I have friends that I feel connected with. I have family that I feel connected with. I know I'm loved. I have acquaintances that I'm nurturing to be friends. I'm gradually becoming more comfortable with the reality that I'm gay - and even talking more openly about it (within safe circles). I like living in this city that I'm in. I think I have a good balance between my social life with friends and taking time to be by myself. I know the grace of God and I love Jesus personally.

So why do I feel like a freak sometimes? Some would say it's a demon bothering me. Some would say it's hormones. Some would say I need to get laid. Some would say it's because of my sin. Some would say, 'yes, you are a freak'. Do I need to have a reason for why I feel different? I don't know. I just do. But maybe God can speak to me even as I am now. Maybe that's it. God loves even freaks like me! (LOL - i'm actually having this silly conversation in my head.)

Sigh. So . . . .

How can I redeem this post? Um.... oh, how about this: I'm realizing today (more like right now) that this journey of mine includes accepting myself the way I am. Regardless of the conclusions I come to regarding sexuality and faith and how I ought to live my life (yadda yadda yadda), nothing removes the fact that, because of Christ, I am acceptable - to myself, to God, and more than likely to my loved ones (and hopefully to you). Perhaps that's a rock solid enough for me to stand on.